Be Strong.

I would consider myself a strong girl, mentally and physically. I can say that I've been in many situations where others would not make it through. But lately I've been feeling weak and helpless both mentally and physically. I feel mentally drained not from work but from life. Why can't everything just be straight forward and direct? Instead of all the twisted words and crooked logic. Everything that's happened in the past couple of months has gotten to me. Or maybe I'm just tired of always having to be strong and consume everything inside of me. Tired of having to be the iron girl. Just because on the surface I act like I can tolerate it all, doesn't always mean that I can handle it all. Just because I stay strong, doesn't give you a reason to hurt me. Usually I'm the bigger person, letting insignificant things go, but there is a limit on how much a person can take. I don't deserve some of the things that has happened, but I blame no one but myself. I'm responsible for myself and my actions, but I am still standing here comfortably in my own skin.

But lately unanswered questions have been wondering through my head.
Why do good things have to end? Why can't things just be simple and clear?
Why did all these happen to me? What did I ever do wrong? 
Something that I was once so sure of, is becoming more doubtful than before.
I don't think anyone realizes how hard it has been for me. There are things that I cannot tell but to think about it through the endless nights.
I grew up doing everything myself. If I want something, I get it myself. If I want to pursue something, I will get there on my own. I don't want to feel helpless, and have other people do things for me. And I hate when people pity me. I don't need you to feel sorry for me but to feel happy that I will make it through all by myself. 

I've been holding this in for way too long. Even iron man malfunctions and breaks down.

Action speak louder than words. Do what you say, say what you do. But I guess you can have too much expectation because you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. 
I'm disappointed in myself for letting myself get here. I know better.

The hardest part is not to be strong, but to admit that you are weak and to your flaws.  I have many flaws but they make me who I am today. And I'm proud of   e v e r y    f   l  a  w    o   f      m  i   n   e



perfectly imperfect,

璐