Fear

What do you know when something so great is about to come to an end.
When everythings changed, all the things we said we weren't going to do.
Yell at each other, be angry, impatient and everything else.

Fear is what I feel right now.
That this is the end for us, that there is no future, no more us.
What do you know when the end gets closer?

But I keep on telling myself, don't give up. Don't get angry and don't lose faith.

What ever happened to the happy, cheerful us? What ever happened to the happily ever after?
What has changed as I keep on asking myself.

The fear of losing you is no longer impossible.

And the thing is, I can't do anything to stop it from happening.

</3

Domino

When one tumbles down, everything else follows.

I thought I can depend on you when I needed you the most, not to make me feel worse.
And you weren't there when that happened.
But rather you left me alone, by myself to handle it all.
And I can carry it all on my very own shoulders.
I don't need anyone, and I don't need you to make it all better

"never depend your happiness on someone else. You make yourself happy"

"the higher you are, the harder you'll fall"

I actually don't know what to say/ write.
Yes, I'm shocked but not angry.
Disappointed but not upset.
But did I see it coming? Of course.
I knew how it was going to end, but for some reason it didn't stop me from it.
What I did was wrong, and I knew it while I was doing it.
But I guess it's all part of human nature to search for things,
to unlock the mystery and the uncertainty.
What was my motive I ask myself.
I honestly don't know. I wasn't searching for anything specific.
More or so to find what I don't know about you, what you've been hiding from me.
And I wondered, will we be here today if we were 100% open with each other from the start.
I've been open from the start but have you? Did you ever ask yourself that question..
And would I have accepted you if you were?

A girls intuition is always right.
My honest truth: I don't think you were being true to me from the start. You might be now but it didn't start that way.
I wasn't your priority and it was all fun and games for you.
And it makes me wonder, if you didn't have the right motive from the start, what makes it the right motive now.
Some girls can be treated like crap and take it.
While others can be the second best.
But I am none of the above. I'm not like the rest.
I will not lose respect or dignity for myself and I will not be second.
All I ask for is, was I on the top of your list or just a replacement?
To replace what you've lost, to fill the void, while you continue to dwell on the past.
If that's the case, then I'm speechless. And I feel cheated- on my emotions and on my time.
If only I had known, then I can guarantee that we would not be here today.

This is not saying that I regret of where we are, but I only wish I had knew everything from the start.
Your certainty and your faithfulness.

You can't control my feelings so it's my choice.
To control how I feel or to forgo it all.

<3

Dream & Live

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."
--James Dean

I will dream my future with you 
and cherish every moment that I have.


Carpe Diem 


<3 
GZ

big big world

I've been officially working for a year now. Can you believe that? because I can't.
It seems like I just graduated from college and was still applying to jobs. And I am still applying to jobs.
Recently, it seems that my ambitions have increased and I have more motivation than ever.
I want to strive for the better, for my family, for myself and for you.
I'm happy with where I am, but I want the best for us
There are so many possibilities out there, job opportunities and gateways that can take us endlessly through the world.

I have so many ideas in my head, so many dreams that I want to fulfill in this lifetime.
This year has started off great. This year I will take the initiative to make my dreams come true.

To take classes to further my education, to explore the entrepreneurship possibilities,
to further my relationship with my other half that I love so much and to prosper in any way possible in my life.

I can't see myself with anyone but you
you are my other half, the half that pushes me to do better.
you complement me like a missing piece of a puzzle
and I want to grow old with you

:)
GZ <3

the MIS of life

something so small, can be taken so wrong.

misinterpreted and miscommunication
misjudged and misunderstood

But times like these, brings out the dork in you :)
and makes me realize that you DO care and these things DO matter to you.

No matter what, just know that I won't give up on us if you don't

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=TdN5GyTl8K0

<3
GZ

Ringing in another year

Well it was brought to my attention that I have not written in my blog for a while- a little over a month to be exact.

Can I just say that this year flew by like a jet plane- no a nuclear bomb.
And it will end with a boom!
Looking back, a lot has happened this year. It was probably one of the most eventful years of my life by far.
So much has happened, whether it was launching my newfound career or dwindling down an endless tunnel.
Not only did I learn about the real dog eat dog world, but I also learned more about me- who I was and who I want to be.

I have a lot of recapping to do since Thanksgiving. Let's start with China!

Dec 10- Dec 25
I appreciate what I have here. The environment, the freedom and the stress free lifestyle.
After couple days of observation in Shanghai, I realized I would only live there if I'm rich- no wealthy.
Otherwise, it would be a struggle.
Living in the city for those two weeks really gave me a new perspective- on life, interpersonal relationships and the society
People treat you differently if you have status, or just show that you have money
But there are so many wealthy people in Shanghai, that it's unimaginable. I frequently ask myself- where does the money come from? Seriously, we're not talking about a small amount here- couple millions or billions. These people have hundreds and thousands of millions that routed from somewhere. Now my mission, is to find that birthing spot, the gold mine and the niche that will succeed as well.


Everyday, I woke up and started my day by rushing out the door and go where my Aunt takes me. I love my aunt, she's probably the closest relative to me. That is because we are so alike in many things- our tastes, our personality and of course our outlook on life.
I respect what she does and she is awarded for her hard work, but these past two weeks, it made me realize how stressful her life was. Either she is constantly yelling, talking, texting on the phone (which takes up about 80% of her day) or talking in person. Just watching her everyday makes me stressful and feel that her life is so overwhelming and suffocating that there's barely any room to breath and relax. There's not a moment where her brain can be fully turned off and just relax. I might not be making nearly to what she makes, but I am actually glad that I do not have that kind of lifestyle.

Now the people, there are quite a variety of personalities there. There's the snobby rich guy who does not respect you because you do not have any money. Or there's the educated rich guy who will be nice to everything because he is humble and believes that respect is mutual.
And I have met both. I believe it's wrong to treat someone with disrespect just because they're a waiter or waitress. Everyone started off from somewhere, I bet he was once a nobody as well. And that is just downright rude. I have to say that I have lost all my respect for him- doesn't matter if he's the CEO and he has tons of money. It's quite morally incorrect.

Then the society as a whole. It seems that they have forgotten the meaning of family. Everyone is so overwhelmed with their everyday life that they hardly talk to their family members. They all live in their own bubble- an occasional phone call or visit is the norm. That I find it hard to accept, we see our family members at least once a month. And phone calls are made every day.

People seem to be self centered and heartless, but I can't blame them. In their society, everyone is only looking out for themselves otherwise, they wouldn't survive. It is survival of the fittest, in this case survival of the smartest - to smart out each other

Dec 25 - Dec 31

Flight back home was great- except the 5 hour layover. Besides that, it was fabulous.
The plane only had 57 passengers, talk about losing money. Whoever was in charge of optimizing their spending was on vacation.

I never thought I would always say this, but home sweet home. I always had Shanghai as my home in my heart. And I still do. But after staying here for over 10+ years, Maryland has become my home too. This is where all my friends and families are, where I am comfortable with the surrounding and where my heart is.
As much as I want to move away and explore the world, home is where everything's at. I will always have Shanghai as my home in my heart and in my soul. Doesn't matter how many years I've been away for, all it takes is some time and I will feel like a local again.

Coming back to my family and friends was great. Seeing him was no different. I thought things would be different but it wasn't. Everything just fell into its normal routine as if I never left. Now looking back, 2 weeks wasn't that bad.

Now life's back on track to its normal routine. Work, eat and play.
The New Years approaching and new resolutions should be made! My old resolutions were not fully fulfilled, thus it shall continue this year.

1) Make more money, save more money
2) spend quality time with my loved ones
3) get fit get fit get fit-gym gym gym
4) study for GMATS
5) travel
6) make more money

now cheers to the New Year and looking forward to what life has in store for US <3

<3
GZ