"the higher you are, the harder you'll fall"

I actually don't know what to say/ write.
Yes, I'm shocked but not angry.
Disappointed but not upset.
But did I see it coming? Of course.
I knew how it was going to end, but for some reason it didn't stop me from it.
What I did was wrong, and I knew it while I was doing it.
But I guess it's all part of human nature to search for things,
to unlock the mystery and the uncertainty.
What was my motive I ask myself.
I honestly don't know. I wasn't searching for anything specific.
More or so to find what I don't know about you, what you've been hiding from me.
And I wondered, will we be here today if we were 100% open with each other from the start.
I've been open from the start but have you? Did you ever ask yourself that question..
And would I have accepted you if you were?

A girls intuition is always right.
My honest truth: I don't think you were being true to me from the start. You might be now but it didn't start that way.
I wasn't your priority and it was all fun and games for you.
And it makes me wonder, if you didn't have the right motive from the start, what makes it the right motive now.
Some girls can be treated like crap and take it.
While others can be the second best.
But I am none of the above. I'm not like the rest.
I will not lose respect or dignity for myself and I will not be second.
All I ask for is, was I on the top of your list or just a replacement?
To replace what you've lost, to fill the void, while you continue to dwell on the past.
If that's the case, then I'm speechless. And I feel cheated- on my emotions and on my time.
If only I had known, then I can guarantee that we would not be here today.

This is not saying that I regret of where we are, but I only wish I had knew everything from the start.
Your certainty and your faithfulness.

You can't control my feelings so it's my choice.
To control how I feel or to forgo it all.

<3