Incomplete

You've only been gone for 2 and a half days and I feel weird.
Weird as in somethings missing, something that's a part of me is not there. I feel... absolutely incomplete.
I do not feel like myself, as if I don't know who I am without you.

People always say "Distances makes the heart grow fonder" and it is quite true.
I miss you, every waking moments.
No even in my sleep because I have no one to cuddle with, fight the blanket with, push off the bed, and keep me warm!

This is what true love feels like. But although you're in a different zone, I know you're still here with me.
Keeping me company and missing me just as much.

olive you FF.

<3
GF

Flaws

I'm sorry, sincerely sorry for the pain that I have caused you with my words.
The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you.
I did not mean the way it came out- and yes I know I have a problem with bluntly speaking my mind before filtering through my thoughts.
I know it probably means absolutely nothing by apologizing now, but I still want you know that I'm sorry.
Sorry for changing the way we are
Sorry for bringing this gap between us
Sorry for being heartless and hurting you like that
Sorry for being inconsiderate
and lastly, sorry for the doubt I created that you have about us.

I don't ever want you to doubt me, doubt us, doubt our future.
And hearing you say those words scares me. It shocks me and hurts to know that you no longer believe in us, and that we can make it to the end- together.
I don't know how much I can do right now to change your mind, to put the happy us back in your back. And lastly, to earn your trust and faith in us again.

But you can take my word that I will do my best to change, and I will act up on it. To change my "dragonesque" ways, to learn to respect others and handle you with care.
I will not treat you like my punching bag.

Sometimes, when you realize that you are going to ( or have lost) someone that you truly care about and love, that moment changes your perception. And that moment when you were going to walk out my life, I was terrified and couldn't imagine a life without you.

I've never ever thought about changing myself for anyone else, and have never felt this threatened in my life, whereas I feel that my life would end without you.

Take my plea, take my words that I will change my flaws to be a better person for you and for myself.
I don't expect you to completely forgive me yet, I will earn your faith in me and I know I can.
Because I love you so much that I can't lose you. And I won't let that happen.
We are meant to be together, forever :)

<3
FF

why can't you be the bigger person? why did you start a fight over insignificant stuff?
These are the questions that I am asking myself.
One of the flaws you have is that you have to have things YOUR way. The way you like it.
And you're like a ticking bomb. Once you get upset, you stay upset for days.
Why let something so small ruin your day or even week? Is it worth it?
You need to learn to let go, forgive and amend.
Stop being a stubborn child. Stop being a kid.
Stop playing with words and try to find arguments in them.
You have common sense and you know what I mean
but yet you will try to find the flaw in my words to win the argument.
Stop being a prick.

This is something that you need to change about yourself.
I've been patient, but I don't know how much longer I can deal with this.

end of my thought.

Good Life

The title of this post says it all.
I thought my unemployment would last long- but God is looking out for me.
Things are looking up real good ( not that it wasn't great before)!
I am excited for the next chapter- no next series of books of my life.
:) But the best is because I have a great family, fabulous boyfriend and supportive friends.
<3

GZ

Resentment and Forgiveness

"Forgive, sounds good, forget, I dont know if I could.
They say time heals everything, and I'm still waiting"

Okay here goes the spill.
I hate how stubborn, pitiful, unforgiving, you can be. And it shows signs of immaturity.
In other words, stop being a big baby and get over it. Yes, stop being a girl and be a man.
I want a man to take care of me, not a little girl arguing about pointless crap.
I get the point and its not your fault but I am not going to apologize because it is not my fault either.
You have you pet peeves that I have to apparently live religiously by. And I have my pet peeves that I dislike to the max. I understand what happened was not your fault and did not mean to sound "bitchy", but I was annoyed just like how you would be if you were in my shoes. But the fact that you don't want me to whine or even complain about it is absurd. News flash: I did whine and I will continue to whine about certain things. AND it is your job to deal with it. I don't think you'll find a girl that won't whine about anything. If you do find a girl like that, then props to you. On top of that, you continued to be "annoyed" and stayed mad over (safe to say stupidest little thing) through out the rest of the day. And you wanted me to apologize. I will not apologize because 1) not my fault 2) suck it up. Yes you need to suck it up and let that shit go because guess what? Now's not the time for YOU to be pissed about anything. You have no right to be annoyed/ angry about anything I do, especially since you effed up not so long ago. And guess what, I let that go. I'm sure we both can agree that was in a much larger scale than this is and I said I can forgive you. But now thinking back, maybe I shouldn't have ( and I haven't fully forgiven you yet). And it seems like you think everything is fine and will go back to normal and we'll be all golly again. It's not and it wont be for a while, especially since you cant prove to me that you actually care enough to try to make me heal better.
bottom line: you fucked up- bad, I can't forgive you, and I havent forgiven you. and the moment that you screwed up, everything we had was tainted. My heart dropped and I was heartbroken and numb.
And you wonder why I doubt you or question you, because you gave me a reason to.
And all I'm wondering is WHY, why did you have to ruin something so good from the start. Why were you acting like an idiot and didn't process it in your head. Why I ask you. We could've been something so great together, and now I can't promise you if there will be a future for us.

You always wondered why I was so negative lately, well you know why.
Since you got so annoyed at my calling you because you dont feel like talking to me- did you think that maybe I needed to talk to you about something important? So next time instead of blowing me off the phone so quickly for your selfish reasons. Think again. A relationship is about TWO people and thinking about the OTHER person over yourself. Maybe you're not ready to be in a relationship with another person and is better off on your own.

At this moment: I hate you, you annoy me, I dont want to talk to you so I can think if this is what I want.
and maybe you should take this time to process things in your head and figure out what YOU need to do to fix your mistakes and the resentment you have created. I always you were different from other guys, that you were considerate and smart and get the hint and will treat me the way a girl should be treated. But I guess I expected too much. It was too good to be true eh. And it was all a facade

you keep on being stupid and yet I keep on letting it go and not make a big deal out of it. But if you're gonna make a big deal out of something so minimal then I dont see why I have to be the bigger person.

there goes my rant. however you take it is up to you. there is no filter and this is how I feel.
you know how to find me.

GZ

Listen to your head or follow your heart

I never thought I'd be in the situation that I am in right now.
At least never with you.
But now I'm standing at a crossroad where I don't know which way I should go.
I feel  aloof, hurt, and disappointed.
I know you're sorry and has asked for forgiveness.
And I want to forgive you but somethings holding me back and I don't know why.
It's a feeling that I can't quite put words to describe it.
My heads saying one thing and my heart is saying another.
I just don't know if I can ever look at you or feel about you in the way I did before.
And I don't know how long it'll take me to "recover".
Maybe you're right, maybe its me.
And this is my chance to work on myself. My self- esteem especially with this situation.
But a girls six sense never fails her, and I felt it from the start.
Maybe I'm over analyzing everything, but my idea was reinforced through this whole time.
And I can't just put it aside anymore, can't ignore the insecurity anymore
Not after this time.
I need time, to think, to analyze and to figure out the best solution for me.

"Time heals what reason cannot"

When I'm with you, I feel like a queen on top of the world.
When I'm not with you, I'm constantly thinking about our times together.
Either ways, you're constantly on my mind like a disease.
But I can't stop this feeling.
The thoughts of you make me smile so deeply in my heart.
This is what love feels like- please don't ever stop.

I can't wait for the future. can't wait to see where our paths lead us
can't wait to be with you forever

<3
GZ