Too Good To Be True.
I thought the title would be appropriate for this post. Afterall, life seemed too good to be true, until yesterday.
I realized that girls have this tendency, to dig for trouble when things are just too smooth sailing.
That's exactly what I did.
Everything was goodie goodie, us fooling around on the bed while watching TV, talking about our future kids and stare intensively into each others eyes as if nothing else in the world mattered to us.
Then for some reason, I had doubts. Doubt that everything that I have with youwas real. Doubt that what you were saying and acting was true.
The moment that I invaded your privacy, I knew it was wrong and I knew it was going to be bad.
But for some reason, I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. And I continue to dig for trouble.
As I was going through page by page, my heart tightens everytime I see her name popping up.
And I start brainstorming, what was he doing looking at these pictures? what was he thinking? does he miss her? why is he looking?
And realize that I want answers.
Although I realize what I did was wrong, and hurtful. I wanted to know what you were thinking.
As easy as you put it, if I just asked you and you would've told me. I guess that's not what I was looking for. I wanted evidence, support, anything that might've pointed in the wrong direction. Why? because things were too good to be true. It was too good for me to think that we're perfect together and that things will always be this perfect. Too good for me to believe that everything was smooth sailing and that there were no issues. Which led me to believe that you might be hiding something, covering your tracks, doing something that you shouldnt be doing.
I know what you're thinking, you need to trust me
And yes I do trust you- but just not when it comes to this topic. Why you may ask.
You should know why. Because from the beginning you carried the baggage from the past with you.
You should've marked the line and you didnt, which led to many of our arguments and disagreements.
And yet even months after, you still did not do what you should've done a long time ago. To cut her out of your life completely. To leave the past behind because it is not your future.
And that is your answer as to why I don't trust you when it comes to the topic.
She's the issue and it took you way too long to realize it. And I don't believe its fair for me to had to deal with all the bullshit that it put us through.
Among many other things that led to this doubt. And you did not try to make things better in any way through it all.
Remember that scrap book you promised? or that Collage? Yes I remember you said those things, but you have yet to show it through your actions.
So why should I believe the things you say to me now? If all you've done is run your mouth but never made it happen. Especially the things that was suppose to reassure me for the mistakes that you have done.
That's what caused my distrust in you. And you need to understand where I am coming from. But I can't blame you if you dont. Why? Because I never put you through the same bullshit. I was more considerate than that.
